Mental Health 101- Recognising your triggers.

Mental Health 101 is a series aiming to normalise conversations and de-bunk stigmas surrounding mental health

At the fruitful age of twenty-three, I am realising more and more how much of an impact mental health has had on my life. I can date back my symptoms of anxiety to as early as primary school. I remember it clearly, being sat in the dinner hall and all of a sudden having this sinking, heavy feeling in my chest. It would make me not be able to eat, or talk, or feel connected to anyone or anything. I remember feeling scared. Scared because I did not know what was happening to me, and scared that if I told anyone about it, they might take me away. Lock me up forever. That is quite a lot to process for a six-year-old and looking back I wish I could comfort that little girl and tell her that what she’s feeling is okay. It doesn’t make her any less worthy of love. It doesn’t mean she isn’t smart. Or brave. It’s just that the brain is a weird and wonderful thing, and sometimes we don’t have as much control over it as we think we do. 

Thinking back on this early memory prompted me to write a list of times or places I think I experienced severe anxiety, to try and determine what the trigger is. I would encourage others to do this. While looking back on past negative or traumatic experiences can be emotionally draining, it can also be helpful. You can start to recognise patterns and cycles to your behaviour, and subsequent coping strategies and methods to help you deal with them.  

Mental health is a matrix of maddening fear and unfathomable emotions which you can suffer at any age, and at any time. Reviewing my experiences of anxiety has made me realise that a lot of childhood experiences where due to the same triggers I struggle with today. For me this includes but is not limited to: eating out in public, needing the toilet if I’m out somewhere, being in a pressured situation (even a positive one, like a birthday party), feeling sick or nauseous and being in an environment which I don’t know how to escape from. I remember singing in an Easter carol service at a local church when I was around 10. Everyone was excited to showcase everything we had learnt to our parents and members of the congregation, and yet the thoughts rushing through my head were: 

“What happens if I am sick up here and everyone sees?”

“What if we start the concert and then I need the toilet?”

“What if the toilets here aren’t open?”

“What if I need to get out and the door is locked?”

“What if I start to cry and they have to stop the concert just for me?”

These thoughts are amongst many which would, and still occasionally do, rear their ugly head, if ever I am in a situation where I feel out of control. When I was younger, I never spoke a word of them, convinced that not only would no-one understand, but that they would think I was weird or a nuisance. In reality, I was just a very anxious child, who had become exceptionally good at not telling people how I felt. My parents and brother were a few of the only people who could pick up on it, and that hasn’t really changed that much either. Something which has changed however, is that I am much better at recognising when a situation is triggering my anxiety, and how to deal with it. Recognising what is bad for your mental health is a really important step in helping to regain control and a sense of self. I’m not saying to avoid situations where your anxiety may be triggered, but to be self-aware so that you can give yourself the best chance possible of overcoming them.