Coping with Social Anxiety Post Lockdown

*Disclaimer: This post includes a discussion on social anxiety and panic attacks. If you do not feel well please call 111 (UK) and talk to someone who can help.

This pandemic has been the cause of absolute tragedy. Millions of deaths around the world, countless sick people who may never fully recover, and mental health issues skyrocketing. But, to someone who suffers from social anxiety, the whole ‘lockdown’ idea hasn’t been too bad. Personally, being able to use the Covid-19 excuse (“Can’t go out, we’re in a pandemic!”) has been a godsend when I haven’t really felt up to socialising. However, with lockdowns lifting and the world slowly healing, the very idea of having to restart life has been quite scary. So, I’ll be telling you about my own experience with social anxiety and how lockdown has affected me, and hopefully share some thoughts which may help you in some way or another!

So, here’s me:

I’ve suffered from social anxiety for as long as I can remember, but I’ve only just recognised it as such in the last 3 years or so. I’m not going to lie, it’s exhausting. Not making friends because you know that you’ll say something stupid if you talk to them. Then if you actually get the courage to do so, you spend the rest of the week thinking about all that you did and said and cringe at the tiniest mistakes. Opening your mouth is a challenge, and your body makes you pay for it – shaking arms and legs, inability to breathe, reddened face, sudden back pains, nausea, heart speeding like a jet that’s just taken off. Because of this, I haven’t had many friends, and the ones that I had, I tried to hold on as tightly as I could.

Despite the obvious negative parts of this pandemic, with University moving online and no more parties, it has actually done me pretty well. I despised going to Uni for lectures, being that I’d end up alone, both in lecture halls and in my frees. I would have to prep myself every day in my car before entering campus: “Okay, just don’t say anything to anyone. Keep your head down. Scroll on your phone. Pretend that you’re texting. Don’t fall. Don’t do anything embarrassing. It’s going to be okay.”, I’d say to myself. With online lectures, all of that anxiety simply went away! I’d enter the Zoom room, stay quiet, and take notes until the lecture was over and I could go back to being by myself in my room. No huss, no fuss. After a while, I even started feeling comfortable unmuting myself to answer questions in class, something which I was extremely nervous about in live lectures. I’ve even made a few new friends along the way! This past year, I’ve been quite content with being in my own bubble. But things are changing, and there’s no way out of it.

I live in Malta, a small island underneath Italy, and we haven’t actually had full lockdowns like the UK has had. But again, Uni lectures have moved online, and the only strangers I’ve had to encounter are the supermarket employees, so I can imagine what it’s like. Because of the vaccines, life is slowly becoming ‘normal’ again, so like any UK readers, I’ll have to readjust to life. But I don’t want things to go back to the way they were for me, full of self-doubt and worry. So, if you’re in any way like me, I’d like to share some thoughts that have been going through my mind which may help ease the anxiety and make life…liveable.

Thought no 1:

Friends. Friendships have undoubtedly suffered during the pandemic. Some haven’t seen each other in months and haven’t had the energy or will to talk online, while others have kept in contact some way or another. Many people are excited to hang out with their friends post-lockdown, but it’s okay not to feel that way too. Pre-Covid, I would often be super excited to go out with my friends, then halfway through the night get a sinking feeling that I just didn’t want to be there anymore, like the social energy bar had plummeted down to zero. If you’re like me, and you’re worried about having those same feelings at your next meet-ups post-lockdown, these tips may help: Firstly, don’t go full on all at once.  If you’re really anxious about the thought of socialising again face to face, start hanging out with a few friends then build up the courage to go to larger events slowly. Secondly, don’t panic. If you’re out and start to feel like you just want to go home, go. It’s not worth being out if you’re not enjoying yourself. Take a bath, drink some wine, read a book, and refresh your mind. Thirdly, don’t feel guilty. This is something which I personally struggle with. Social anxiety isn’t a choice, you can’t just switch it off like a light switch, and it’s not your fault if you struggle with it. Recognise it, and work slowly to overcome it. Having friends who understand and support you is also super helpful in this respect.

Thought no 2:

Panic attacks. I’ve had quite a few of these in the past 5 years or so. Not going to lie, it’s pretty scary, and if whoever is reading this has also experienced it in their lifetime, my heart truly goes out to you. Personally, I’ve had several instances when a panic attack would come up because of some social situation, and re-joining society makes me nervous for many more. But I’ve found a few techniques to calm myself down whenever I have a panic attack or feel one coming on, and I’d like to share them with you. What’s important, first of all, is to take yourself out of the social situation and go somewhere alone or with one or two friends. It’s hard to feel like the world around you is crashing down, but it’s even harder when lots of people are staring at you and crowding around you. Secondly, take deep breaths in from your nose and out through your mouth for at least 5 seconds each way, since it helps to slow your heart rate. If your hands start to shake, try to find anything you can touch and focus on the texture of the object, then move on to another object, and another, until your hands start to feel steady. Finally, watch a funny video. I love watching the Sidemen on Youtube or Friends on Netflix. It feels like you’re having a laugh with friends, which is the best feeling in the world.

Thought no 3:

Weight. I want to start off here by saying that we are in a pandemic – a global catastrophe. It’s okay if you’ve put on weight, or stayed the same, or lost weight. This time has been extremely stressful for many, and our psychological well-being really does affect our physical one. Summer is around the corner and, not sure about the UK, but here in Malta it gets super hot, meaning that everyone is at the beach all the time, taking selfies with their #bikinibodies. I wish I could tell you not to be self-conscious, not to focus on others, not to starve or go on some shake-only diets which just leave you hungry and sad. But I know that that’s an impossible feat, even for myself. So, all I ask is that in the midst of doing those things, you take a moment, just a moment, to remember the wonderful features of your body. Despite your brain’s negativity, your body keeps you alive and kicking everyday because it loves you. And I think that’s pretty amazing.

I encourage anyone reading this (even those who don’t struggle with social anxiety) to take a moment to reflect on these points and how, if at all, they can help you in your own lives. One final point: for anyone who is suffering from any mental health problems, I recognise your struggles and how hard you’re fighting every single day to keep them at bay, and I truly admire you for that. Keep fighting.