Leaving University and Living Alone

How did I leave uni? Was it the right decision? Being at home to living alone? The matter of Covid? How did it affect my mental health? Do I regret it? When does someone know it’s time to move out?

We all know and share the feelings of change, the urge of grasping onto individuality and freedom at the cusp of our late teen years, or maybe later. 

For me personally, I was tired of being in one place, ready to start my life. Even at 10, after arguments with my parents, I’d take my bag and say I’ve gone to run away. For some people, change isn't all that they want, the yearning for adulthood is different for everybody.

Some want to take it as it is, savouring time and going with the so-called “flow” ; some want to jump headfirst into responsibilities and decisions, and some don’t have the privilege of choice in this matter.

I can only speak from my experiences, so here it goes: 

I have moved homes 16 times. Now at 21, I am currently renting an apartment in the centre of Budapest, and I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s probably the best decision I ever made.

I moved abroad for the first time alone, in 2019, for University in the UK. The semester I spent there was a lifetime experience, but I also had some of the lowest days of my life at that time.

I struggled with being far away from my family and friends, and my mental health was deteriorating day by day. I spent most of my time doing all nighters, from finishing work online, to studying and making sure I did my best in classes. My chosen course was Fashion design, and it being a super practical course, I spent a lot of time in the studios sewing and making patterns. It was physically draining, no matter how much I loved the course.

Though my course was draining, the student accommodation I lived in was so cool! There were ping pong tables, a movie room, music room, weekly fun events, etc. What else could a first year college student ask for?

I lived in a shared apartment in the building, with 5 others. It was fun, but hard to maintain. I couldn't quite control who came into the apartment, or how loud the partying was, because my room was the one that shared a wall with Tv+living area. On one hand, I loved being around people, there was always someone to hang out with, or go grocery shopping with. But on the other hand, I felt like I didn’t have enough support out there, and even with friends, I still felt alone. It was a battle with myself, but being far away from my roots made me feel sick.

I had to come to terms with reality: what I needed, in that situation was to be at home, and to get help, gather my strength and deal with my problems on the inside and out. I was aware, this wasn’t something I could do without moving back home. Think of the “One step forward, two steps back” mentality.

I moved back to Budapest, started seeing a psychologist (let me note here, that going to see a psychologist is a strength. It took me a lot of courage, but I knew that facing my problems, wanting to grow, and being brave enough to confess that the design course wasn’t for me was a big step. I had to deal with my friends and family’s opinions, and even though some of them didn’t agree, I was lucky enough to have the grounded support I needed. I basically decided to take a short gap year, but of course, it all seemed too good, Covid spread, and I eventually ended up staying at home in lockdown. 

Counting down the days, I applied for a TEFL diploma course by Toronto University, since this course was an online course I had the flexibility of studying when I had the time, remotely. It also allowed me to think about the future, without feeling the pressure of ending up without a proper diploma/Ba.  

There were cons to moving back home as well, I felt like my home was not my home anymore, instead, it was crowded, and even though I love my family very much, I knew I had to get my own place, if not forever, but temporarily, to catch my breath and finally, have some private space.

I moved into “my” (since I am renting it, it’s not technically mine, ahaha) very first apartment. I’ve been living here alone, since August. I finally felt like I had the space to do whatever I wanted. To go wherever I wanted. It might make me a bit of a control freak, but I feel so much more comfortable, living by my own rules, having the freedom to decide who comes over and when. I get to host dinners, and sleep overs, it’s so much fun.

I categorise myself as an ambivert. If I don’t spend enough time with my people I tend to get very sad, but the same thing happens If I don’t spend enough time alone. Therefore, I just had to find the perfect balance of the two. 

I spend my nights writing, painting, watching new shows and divulging in new culinary discoveries whilst cooking. 

Most of my friends come over and we spend time here, in the apartment, or embark on new little adventures exploring the city (Anything, that's safe, concerning the virus).

Living alone means change. Responsibility. Evolving as a person, taking care of your surroundings, because nobody else is going to do that for you. Independence.

All of these pros can also be cons, depending on my mood, sometimes all I want is to just cuddle up next to my Mom.

I’ve come up with small solutions for these kinds of obstacles. Such as having a steady, stable timeframe during the week, which we spend together (shopping or cooking..etc.). It's the same with friends, I have people whom I see every week, giving me the little bit of an energy boost I’d need. As for the much needed ME time, I vary between hobbies, working out, going out for a walk with a coffee.

I’m at a place mentally, where I have better days sometimes, and bad ones too. I allow myself to process these emotions by keeping a journal and telling myself it's okay to be not okay. I usually spend one or two days cozying up and being in a “Meh” state, and then I remind myself that so many good things are yet to come. This way, I’ve had time to wallow, but have also gained energy and motivation for the times coming during.

My advice is that before moving away, think about your mental health, make sure you are ready. You’ll know, when the time is right to make this move.

Have safe guards of little things that bring you joy. Fresh air is always a good idea. Make sure you and your family can handle these choices financially. Take the leap of faith!  You need space to grow. 

Change will always be good, because as you grow, you evolve, and it makes you who you are today.